Archive for December, 2011

For the troubled heart

Posted: December 31, 2011 in Uncategorized

Yes, it is technically still Christmas, so I’m still sticking to the Christmas theme. We’re half way through Christmas but that doesn’t mean come the the 12th day we should stop rejoicing. It’s still Christmas and new year is what in…..less than 9 hours from now..It is difficult to go through this festive season with a heavy heart, I would know cause well I am having a heavy heart since what last year?

If you’re going through something this Advent season, and you feel far away from God, or like Jesus’ birth doesn’t apply in your situation, know that you are in good company. This darkness will pass. Pray for the strength to believe it. To know that God is with you in this time of waiting, and that He will bring you out of it.

God with us.

Emmanuel. God with us. He is with us in our darkness. He was born into it to bring us out of that darkness and into light. That’s what Jesus’ birth signifies.

God has not forgotten you. Wherever you are, whether you are surveying the damage, or in the midst of the storm, He knows.

I know sometimes you wonder “How long will this last?”“Shouldn’t I be over it by now?” but the thing is I don’t know how long will you be suffering but I do know that God will NEVER give us more than we can handle, He won’t send us where His grace cannot sustain us. Honestly, personally I have taken people/things for granted and maybe that is why I am still suffering right now. God gave us friends, use them well. I cannot emphasize enough of the power of words. Words can either break you or help you. “Sticks and bones might break my bones but words will never” that is one of the lies we have believed. Words can cut into the very core of who you are, words can cause people to go in deep deep depression and I think most of us know where deep deep depression usually leads to.

I learn some things over the years. When someone ask me how I am, tell them the truth but I don’t have to tell them the reason. “Yeah I’m not fine, everything is going wrong for me but I just don’t want to talk about it now” and honestly most of us don’t really want to talk about it….yet but never…NEVER be sarcastic when answering that or in a mean way, show some gratitude to that person for even asking you in the first place. I take that for granted, I really do and when I end up doing that I end up hurting the person, how do I know? Cause I was hurt when someone did that to me, I felt like I was useless, I was nothing, I felt so unneeded, so low. It’s one of the most horrible feeling to have especially, especially if that person means a lot to you.

As 2011 comes to a close, I pray that God will protect you and those you love as we enter 2012 and a final thought..Even if you think God is not doing anything in your life at this very moment to help you with your problems, trust me, at this very moment God is working in someone else’s life that will have a great impact in your life sooner or later. Think about this 5 years ago and now…how did you meet some of your current best friends? Coincidence?My butt. Think of all the circumstances that must have happen, all the decisions throughout that 5 years made, the time you met that person, that person and you could have been somewhere else but for some reason you and that person were at that exact spot when you met..I think you can go deeper and think for yourself how amazing God really is.

The very fact that you are alive is a great miracle. Cause your mom could have aborted you from the time of conception to birth but she didn’t. Many things could have happen to her but it didn’t. Glory to God in the highest and peace to people of Good will. God is good all the time, all the time God is good.

*Extracted some stuffs from Lifeteen

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Forgiving..

Posted: December 29, 2011 in Uncategorized

“Forgiveness is a beautiful word…until you have someone to forgive”

That’s true personally, I’ve been struggling to forgive..well not at someone but rather moving on from a very painful event but nevertheless I still find it almost impossible for me to let go of stuffs. There is a saying that you cannot give what you don’t have or never experienced but even if you have been forgiven or experienced being forgiven..personally..How do you truly forgive someone?

“Forgive” to me is “letting go of the right to hurt someone for the wrong they have done to you” and we all know the saying “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” but well if we all do that all of us would be dead now right? I also strongly believe forgiving someone depends on how close you are to the person and the severity of the “crime”.

So really..How do you forgive someone who have hurt you deeply? You might not be mad at the person but the fact is it still hurts..Don’t tell me to forgive and forget that is a stupid saying. Forget?Really? If I were to punch you right now…yes you might forgive me but I don’t think you’ll forget.

Forgiveness is not a denial that you have been hurt or harmed. It does not mean that it’s OK what the offender did to you. If there had been no harm done, there would be nothing to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean tolerating wrongdoing or allowing an injustice to continue.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you will totally forget the hurtful event, nor does it mean that you must continue to be the offender’s friend. You might need to keep a safe distance. That’s the truth of the matter, if you continue hurting someone deliberately he or she have the rights to leave you..Which turn the focus back on us, on me I suppose. MAYBE I did or said something that caused that person to hurt me in the first place, you know a reaction, retaliation. Newton’s law “for every action there is a reaction” to me that reaction can either be two things to forgive or to retaliate.

Again, as we move closer to 2012…I have not been the perfect friend, perfect student, perfect son…but the truth is I am wounded but that’s not an excuse for me to display my anger and I do acknowledge that I have done soooooo many wrongs to many people….through my fault, through my fault..through my most grievous fault…

What if….

Posted: December 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

2 things struck me today. I was involve in an almost car accident on the way to church. Not here to vent out my anger on that person,even though that person was at fault but what if something were to happen to me, God forbid, that left me in a life or death situation? Will I be ready to meet my maker? Which brings me to reflecting this “How sinful am I?”. One of the first verses that I remember to this very day by heart is Romans 6:23 “For the wages of SIN is DEATH, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

I’ve remembered listening to a homily once online asking us to pay to attention to the word “sin”, notice how it is in the singular form thus an easy translation for that verse is “1 sin = death”. Now I am no expert on the Bible but if that is true then……..I’m in big trouble. Which again brings me back to my main point, “How sinful am I?”. Again I have to bring in the new translation of the Roman Missal.

“I confess to almighty God
And to you, my brothers and sisters,
That I have greatly sinned
In my thoughts and in my words,
In what I have done and in what I have
Failed to do,
Through my fault, through my fault,
Through my most grievous fault;”

In my thoughts
In my words
In what I have done
In what I have failed to do

I don’t know about you but every single time I recite the penitential rite, that part just blows my mind and if that isn’t bad enough the new translation follows by

“through MY fault, through MY fault, through MY MOST GRIEVOUS FAULT.”

That’s the final nail on the coffin, how can you not feel guilty? Honestly my heart sinks every time I recite this. Makes me wonder how can some people laugh during this, it’s amazing. Surely I am not the only sinner in the congregation. Well it’s coming to the end of 2011, maybe some of my bad habits, those extra baggages can stay with 2011, cause I am very sure of new challenges and difficulties come 2012!

Reflections on the Cross †

Posted: December 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

Reflections on the Cross †

I’ve been reflecting on many things in my life and I can’t help but feel overwhelm when thinking about them – problems, worries, life decisions and on top of that the annoying feelings which follows with them – anger, anxiety, nervousness, jealousy, frustration, helplessness, insecurity. I have a few reliable people I can count on when I feel like the whole world is against me but honestly speaking….their consolation, their advice, their love for me – while I obviously appreciate them greatly – doesn’t completely console my troubled heart, there is still the longing for “MORE”. What I mean is that.. surely there must be something out there that can completely understand how I feel and actually knows what to do.

That’s where it all began, I was filled with sorrow one late afternoon and I just wanted to break down in tears and there was only one place in my mind – the prayer room in church. I had a good 1 hour or so before mass start and to my amazement there was no one in the prayer room which is rare as around that time usually they would be people praying. I took this opportunity to the fullest, I cried and cried and cried and I was feeling like a pathetic loser then I look up and I saw the Crucifix above the Tabernacle and I was filled with this inner peace, this voice saying “Hey, it’s okey, I love YOU, I am here..”  and at the moment I recalled one of my favorite quote from Blessed Pope John Paul II – “Do not/Be not afraid”

Many things struck me as I ponder on the Crucifix.

1. The nails which crucified Jesus, feels like all my anger and hurts which prevents me from moving forward, from happiness.

2. Jesus’ face, full of pain, sorrow, loneliness, exhaustion… That’s how I’m feeling, tired of being unable to move on from past hurts.

3.  When I began thinking how I could relate what I’m going through with the Passion of Christ, this entered my mind –

“At the time He was betrayed and entered willingly into His Passion”

Those who are one way or another familiar with the new translation of the Roman Missal will recognize this. What struck me the most is “entered WILLINGLY”. This means, in my opinion, that he freely chose to follow the Father’s will no matter how difficult, how agonizing it would be. It put things in perspective for me. He went through hell, literally and here I am complaining and whining about my problems BUT YET He still cares and want to know what is bothering me, He want’s to help, He loves me, He doesn’t judge me.

1 Peter 5:6-7  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,  casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

4. I am not sure when this took place, after or before those 3 points, nevertheless it is either a hint from God before I broke down in the prayer room or and an answer from God after I broke down in the prayer room.

During one of the dawn masses leading up to Christmas, during the offertory the first song was “All that is Hidden” by Bernadette Farrell and lyrics instantly hit me, it was as if God was speaking to me directly through the lyrics.

“For I am hidden in pain, risen in love; There is no harvest without sowing of grains.”

“All that is hidden will be made clear. All that is dark now will be revealed.”

“My ways are not the ways that you would choose; My thoughts are far beyond yours, as heaven from earth: If you believe in me My voice will be heard.”

For me, the lyrics tells me that, well basically no pain no gain. You have to struggle before you can find happiness, you are going to get lost before you find the right path, you are going to make mistakes before you find the correct one. Accept that.

“Yes you don’t know what I(God) am doing right now but in MY time NOT yours, I will make it known to you. Just trust me!”

I might think what I want will make me happy but then again God know’s what’s best and since God is a God of love, He wants us to be as happy as possible! Be the rewards here on earth or in Heaven. Whatever happens, I should just trust Him, especially in times of pain, confusion, loneliness. One thing that is very common among all the saints is that, if not all,most of them went through pain for the love of Christ.

This might not seem a lot but I was filled with this peace because as we all know it, on the the third day Jesus rose from the dead and being sure of that I know God in His time and infinite wisdom will deliver me from my problems, will finally show me the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE.

Bishop mention that it is mind boggling that God humbles himself to be man and even more to humble Himself to bread and wine which is His body and blood after consecration, reflecting on His life, death and resurrection, I ask myself…Why don’t I trust him more?He has help me SOOOOOO many times and yet I can’t trust him? Intellectually I know that, only HE can satisfy but why do I continue searching?

” To speak of the Blessed Sacrament is to speak of what is most sacred. How often, when we are in a state of distress, those to whom we look for help leave us; or what is worse, add to our affliction by heaping fresh troubles upon us. He is ever there waiting to help us.”

– St. Euphrasia Pelletier, Foundress of the Sisters of the Good Shepherd


We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world †